The Science of Love

What neuroscience is teaching us about attachment?
Updated November 2025

by Dr Hester Bancroft, BSc (Hons) Psych, DCPsych, CPsychol

From baby bonding to adult therapy, modern neuroscience reveals how our earliest relationships shape the mind — and how new ones can heal it. From the moment a baby is born, their brain begins wiring itself around one central experience — relationships. 

For more than half a century, psychologists such as John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and Donald Winnicott explored how a child’s early attachment to their caregiver shapes emotional health. But modern neuroscience has taken this even further. With advanced brain-imaging tools, we can now see how love, comfort, and attunement between parent and baby sculpt the developing brain — and how emotional neglect or mis-attunement can leave invisible marks that last well into adulthood.

What Early Attachment Does to the Brain

When a mother (or primary caregiver) responds warmly and consistently to her baby’s signals — soothing a cry, smiling back, mirroring emotion — the baby’s brain releases calming neurochemicals that promote neural integration. This process literally builds the wiring for emotional regulation, empathy, and resilience. In contrast, when connection is unpredictable or absent, the stress hormones of an unsettled baby can interfere with those neural links.

“Secure attachment shapes the brain for cooperation, trust, and empathy,” says neuroscientist Allan Schore. “Insecure attachment limits the brain’s capacity to feel safe and connected.”

In essence: our first relationships teach our brains how to be human.

Affective Neuroscience: Feelings That Shape Circuits

Recent research in affective neuroscience — the study of emotions in the brain — shows how deeply our early bonds affect our biology. Right-brain to right-brain communication between mother and baby (through gaze, tone, and touch) activates neural pathways that later underpin empathy and self-awareness. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for emotional balance and social understanding, develops through these interactions. A calm, responsive parent literally teaches the baby’s nervous system how to regulate stress. When this process goes well, children grow up able to read others’ emotions and recover from distress. When it doesn’t, emotional regulation can become a lifelong challenge.

Two Hemispheres, One Relationship

In the first few years of life, the right hemisphere — the emotional, non-verbal side of the brain — is dominant. That’s why early memories aren’t stored as words or facts but as sensations and feelings. These right-brain “imprints” of safety or fear form the foundation for later emotional patterns. As the left hemisphere matures (language, logic, narrative), integration between the two allows a child to make sense of experience — to put feelings into words, and eventually to self-soothe.

When integration is disrupted by stress or trauma, children may over-react, shut down, or misread social cues. Their brains remain wired for survival rather than connection.

When Attachment Is Disrupted

Chronic stress or emotional neglect can damage the delicate circuitry that connects body and brain. Studies show that insecure or disorganised attachment may lead to:
  • An overactive amygdala, keeping the child in “fight-or-flight” mode.
  • A smaller hippocampus, making it harder to calm down after stress.
  • Elevated cortisol levels, which can affect attention, mood, and immunity.
The result? A brain primed for danger rather than curiosity. Yet there’s good news: the brain remains plastic — capable of repair and growth — throughout life.

The Hope of Healing: How Therapy Rewires the Brain

Attachment doesn’t end in infancy. New relationships — including therapeutic ones — can create new neural connections. Psychotherapists such as Daniel Siegel and Allan Schore have shown that attuned, empathic therapy helps integrate emotional and rational brain systems. This integration allows clients to regulate emotions, feel embodied, and rewrite old relational patterns.

During therapy, the client’s early attachment experiences often replay in the relationship with the therapist. When these are met with consistent empathy, the brain begins to learn a new pattern: safety in connection.

Right-Brain to Right-Brain Healing

Therapies like Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) explicitly draw on attachment and neuroscience. They emphasise right-brain-to-right-brain attunement — the emotional “felt sense” between client and therapist.

As clients learn to notice their body’s sensations and emotions, neural bridges form between the brain’s hemispheres. Over time, this leads to integration, self-understanding, and what Siegel calls “earned secure attachment.”

“Just as attuned parents raise secure children,” writes psychologist David Wallin, “attuned therapists help raise secure clients.”

Mindfulness, Reflection and Integration

Neuroscience also explains why mindfulness and self-reflection are powerful in therapy. Being mindful activates the middle prefrontal cortex, which links body sensations, emotion, and awareness. This creates balance between the lower brain (automatic reactions) and higher brain (reason and empathy). Through this process, clients — and therapists themselves — develop presence, insight, and emotional flexibility.

Remembering, Reconnecting, Re-wiring

Unresolved trauma often lives as implicit memory: raw sensations or emotions that feel present rather than past. In therapy, helping clients connect these implicit experiences with explicit, narrative memory promotes healing. When clients can describe, feel, and make sense of their story, neural integration follows. Old fear circuits quieten; new pathways for safety and trust emerge.

The Takeaway: Love Literally Builds the Brain

Modern neuroscience confirms what parents have always intuited: love shapes biology. A securely attached child develops stronger emotional regulation, empathy, and resilience — not just psychologically, but neurologically. And it’s never too late. Because the brain can grow new connections across a lifetime, safe relationships — whether in family, friendship, or therapy — can foster healing and hope.

Quick Facts
  • The bond between caregiver and baby shapes brain architecture for life.
  • Secure attachment builds neural pathways for empathy and self-regulation.
  • The right brain dominates in early years, storing emotional “blueprints.”
  • Mindful, attuned therapy can rewire the adult brain through new experiences.
  • Emotional connection isn’t just comforting — it’s biological nourishment.

If you have found this article helpful but feel you would like more support please do get in touch and we can discuss what support we may be able to offer you.
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